Knowing When to Go, Knowing When to Ask
This week, as I traveled to the Rabbinical Council of America’s (RCA) annual Rebbitzen’s conference in New Jersey, I found myself thinking about the many issues facing Jewish communities worldwide. It brought me right into this week’s parsha, Toldos, and the struggles our matriarch Rivkah faced. Those same issues remain relevant today as I gathered with other Rebbitzins to find ways to support and strengthen our communities and ourselves.
Infertility takes center stage as Yitzchak and Rivkah were childless for approximately twenty years, they davened and their tefillos were answered. But when Rivkah finally became pregnant, she experienced a difficult pregnancy. The children struggled within her womb, so much so that she cried out, “אִם כֵּן לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי”. If so, why am I this way? What is happening to me? The Torah tells us that she then went to seek Hashem: “וַתֵּלֶךְ לִדְרֹשׁ אֶת ה׳”. Rashi explains that she went to Noach’s son Shem’s beis midrash to seek to understand what was happening.
When we consider the Rivkah we met in last week’s parsha, this episode takes on added meaning. When asked if she was willing to leave her family and marry a man she had never met, she answered unequivocally, “אֵלֵךְ”, I will go. She knew what she wanted and moved forward with complete conviction.
Yet here, in Toldos, later in her story, we see another side of Rivkah. After davening for children for years and finally becoming pregnant, she found herself facing a situation she did not understand. Rather than assuming she had all the answers, she sought guidance. Last week, she knew exactly what to do. This week, she needed to ask.
Perhaps that is an important lesson for all of us. Not everything in life is so clear. There are times when we need the confidence to say “אֵלֵךְ” and move forward, but there are also times when we find ourselves asking, “לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי?” Why is this happening? What am I supposed to do? We don’t always have to figure everything out on our own. Sometimes the right next step is to stop, seek guidance, and turn to Hashem.
What I witnessed this week at the conference was truly special, and a tremendous privilege to be a part of. I was surrounded by amazing Rebbetzins and professionals, each bringing her own talents, experiences, and dedication to the communities she serves. So many people work behind the scenes to help others navigate life’s struggles and bring out the potential in those around them. Everyone was eager to support one another, share ideas, and help in any way they could.
One of the greatest gifts we can have in life is access to people we can turn to, role models who are approachable, supportive, and willing to share their wisdom and experience. We should never underestimate the value of having someone to ask, someone who has walked a similar path, or someone who can help us see a situation from a different perspective. Just as Rivkah knew where to turn, we are fortunate when we have people in our lives who make seeking guidance feel comfortable and accessible.
Perhaps a lesson we can take from Rivkah is that strength comes in different forms. Sometimes it means having the courage to move forward when we recognize the right path. Other times, it means having the humility to admit that we don’t understand what is happening and the wisdom to seek guidance.
We don’t need to have all the answers to move forward in life. We need to recognize when to take the next step ourselves and when to seek the direction that will help us find our way.
May we all have the clarity to know when to say “אֵלֵךְ,” the courage to ask “לָמָּה זֶּה אָנֹכִי,” and the wisdom to follow Rivkah’s example “וַתֵּלֶךְ לִדְרֹשׁ אֶת ה׳,” to seek Hashem’s guidance along the way.
Reader’s Reflection:
Think of a person in your life you could turn to if you needed to navigate a challenging situation. If no one comes to mind, think of someone with whom you can nurture a relationship, so he or she can become that resource.