In what may be a new twist on the age-old practice of marrying for money, the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis recently reported that married couples aged 25-34 have net worth nine times that of single households of the same age[1]. The gap only widens with time: sociologist Brad Wilcox reports that stably married men heading into retirement hold roughly ten times the assets of their divorced or never-married peers.[2] Unfortunately, most contemporary stats about marriage are far less sanguine: in the first two decades of the 21st century, fewer people in the US married than in any other era since the US government began keeping records in 1867[3]. The Torah’s first mention of marriage in Parshas Bereishis contains an anomaly that suggests a timely message. After describing the creation of Eve, the Torah interrupts with a comment that doesn’t apply to Adam and Eve, since they had no parents. “A man shall therefore leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Bereishis 2:24). Rather, we must conclude that this comment introducing marriage was directed at future generations who would have parents, to encourage them to get married as Adam and Eve did. The Torah does not explain why it advocates marriage, which aligns with common sense and what civilization, until recently, took for granted: the personal blessings and societal benefits of marriage are so obvious that it needs no explanation or justification. Indeed, civilization itself rests on the family, and the family rests on marriage. As Wilcox puts it, “As marriage goes, so goes the American way of life.”[4] Despite all this, the Torah nevertheless promotes and encourages it. In practice, marriage is seldom simple to execute because of the realities and complications of interpersonal chemistry. That is why many people who want to be married have not yet found the right person. In this context, the Torah encourages us to keep trying.
The current decline in marriage’s popularity suggests this Biblical encouragement becomes even more relevant today. On its own, this ancient divine support isn’t enough. We need to help with the effort. While few of us are marriage counselors, professional shadchanim (matchmakers), or pundits with national platforms, each of us can do something to strengthen this venerable institution.
We can impact culture. We can call out films, shows, and entertainment that relentlessly portray marriage negatively. Ironically, as Wilcox observes, many of the cultural elites behind such content are themselves stably married. Netflix, for instance, streams the bleak Marriage Story, yet its cofounder Reed Hastings has been married to his wife for more than three decades. He even credits a marriage counselor with helping him refocus on his family early on. Wilcox identifies this as “inverted hypocrisy.” The classic hypocrite preaches virtue in public while practicing vice in private. These elites do the reverse: they build strong marriages at home but decline to “preach what they practice” in the films, articles, and policies they shape. The rest of society absorbs the message, not the example.[5] We should name the double standard whenever we see it.
We can impact people. We can keep our friends and acquaintances in mind who would like to meet someone. We should daven for them and think of them when we meet new people. Most significantly, we can impact our families. Even those of us fortunate enough to live lives of marital bliss cannot go wrong by strengthening our marriages and finding more opportunities to show our spouses a little more appreciation, cooperation, and love. Incredibly, Wilcox finds that how generous we are toward our spouse predicts our own marital happiness better than how generous our spouse is toward us.[6]
Culture, community, and family: each is a place where the Torah’s “therefore” still calls on us to act. The Federal Reserve may measure marriage’s dividends in net worth, but the Torah points to a far richer return: two people becoming one flesh. The families they build become the foundation of a society. Marrying for money may be an age-old practice, but the real wealth of wedlock lies in what we invest in it.
[1] Harper’s Magazine. November 2022. P. 9. Since 2010, this disparity has increased by a factor of 2.
[2] W. Bradford Wilcox, Get Married (Broadside, 2024), Preface and ch. 3.
[3] Thehill.com. The end of marriage in America? https://thehill.com/opinion/finance/567107-the-end-of-marriage-in-america/
[4] Wilcox, ibid., Conclusion.
[5] Wilcox, ibid., Conclusion, citing Charles Murray.
[6] Wilcox, ibid., ch. 6.